Who you surround yourself with makes a world of a difference on how they impact your life. Whether it be their actions or words, this can have influence on you. Lately, I have been thinking of how buildings, and the relationships in those buildings have affected me.

For the last ten years, most of my time has been spent in 4 buildings. My previous employer’s building, current employer, my church, and my home. Each of these buildings has provided lessons learned, relationships started, relationships ended, shaped my career, my spiritual walk, my friendships, my marriage, my children, etc.

For as long as I can remember my momma would always say, “be a good judge of character and make sure that your friendships are contributing to your life and not taking from it.” She drilled in me to be the leader not the follower, and always be an example.

It is funny when those momma lessons come back to haunt you, I mean refresh your memory as an adult.

As I continue to grow as a person, I cannot help but think about how those buildings have held everything together. It was a building that brought friendships together and it was the same buildings that friendships were broken.

At my previous employer, I had close friends and amazing co-workers. It was not until I left the building that I realized that my so-called “close friends” may not have had my best interest at heart. I spent six years with them daily, then once I left the building, they ghosted me. Till this day the only time we have spoken, is because I reached out to them to say hello, Happy Birthday, Happy Anniversary, etc. I quickly realized that I valued our friendship more than they valued ours.

As a woman, that hurts to see friendships end, but as a Christian woman I also understand that those friendships were only for a certain season. There is a time and a place for each season in life.

Surround yourself with those that bring life to your situation. If you want to do better in a certain area, get with an individual(s) that match your interest.

In our marriage, unfortunately I have seen friendships weaken, and others that have grown. We are no longer a single man and woman, but we are now one in marriage and are a team.

We still have plenty of single friends we connect with, but we also want to surround ourselves with marriages that have impacted our lives. Whether those marriages, are 5 years in, 10 years in, or 30+ years, we wanted to surround ourselves with healthy Godly marriages, and those who can speak life into our marriage.

When it was time to get our finances in order, we wanted to surround ourselves with those walking the walk and talking the talk. We needed to be around those who matched our desired outcome to become debt free.

Therefore, we joined the #debtfreecommunity on Instagram. That online community helped keep us encouraged while paying off debt. It has become more than paying off debt but gaining financial literacy and building generational wealth for our family. We joined the community seeking one thing but we have gained so much more in the process.

In every area of my life, I wanted to make sure that I was surrounded by likeminded individuals to help me get to the next level I was seeking.

When I started attending my church back in 2008, it was one of those moments when my dad called saying you need to get back in church. I graduated high school and stopped attending church because I did not have my mom yelling at me to get up.

So, in 2008, I started making “appearances” at church. Then it became I will go every Sunday; I did not want to miss a service. Then it came to that moment of I was attending and receiving the word. But I wanted to be connected to others like me. I wanted to strength my walk with young women. I needed me some church friends!

To explore the awkwardness of trying to connect with women in your twenties in church that you do not know at all, I decided I would join the women’s basketball team. Y’all at this point I have not played organized basketball since sophomore year in high school. It has been a good 9 years since playing.

I joined the team and them heffas, I mean my friends were not very friendly. Here I am practicing basketball, dying on the court because my lungs clearly thought I lost my mind, and I still did not have any friends.

Eventually, friendships were born and years later I am still connected to them so way or somehow. Surrounding myself with these women helped me grow in my faith over the years. They helped but I had to continue my walk and grow in my faith. An opportunity with a church basketball team, led to serving in children’s ministry, joining the choir, acting in several church plays, etc. I had to step out of my comfort zone so that I could get something I have never had before.

What do you desire? Is it something that you can achieve by surrounding yourself with others who have achieved the desired item that you are looking for? If so, I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and connect with those individuals.

You want to be successful in your career? Connect with those who are thriving in their careers. Open a door to conversation with a mentor.

You want to upgrade your financial journey? Then get around those who have accomplished the financial desires you are searching for.

You want to become an entrepreneur. Identify entrepreneurs that you admire and reach out to them. What is the worst that will happen? They do not respond, you get ghosted, they provide some insight, you become a mentee, you do not know what will happen if you do not go for it!

I challenge you to go after whatever your heart desires. Surround yourself with those who will speak life into those desires and not death.

You got this!

B.